Mascots are one thing that I’ve never really understood. I know that they are not there for my own personal entertainment (being that I am a male in my mid 20’s), but do children even like these weird characters? Now don’t get me wrong some mascots I respect because they have been around forever like the Philly Fanatic or the Florida State Seminole, but some of these World Cup creations look more like a monster that should have been put down on the island of Dr. Moreau then something little kids should go out and buy a figurine of.
To me mascots are one of the most unnecessary parts of any event, but I am sure many women feel the same way about scantily-clad cheerleaders which I believe should be mandatory for even chess matches. Lets take a look at Mr. Zakumi here. To me he looks like what would happen if a giraffe and a cheetah had sex. His hair looks like that of a Chia pet and I love his shorts and t-shirt combo (very original). Tell me would some wild green haired giraffe/cheetah beast really take the time to put on shorts and a World Cup 2010 t-shirt every morning when it wakes up wherever the hell it sleeps? Probably not, but I am sure the FIFA people gave him shorts for one obvious reason.
Now I know I am being tough on Zakumi so perhaps I should remind you of last Cup’s mascot or should I say mascots. Goleo VI and Pille may have Zakumi beat in the department of why in the hell did you do this? Pille is some type of cross breed of a camel’s face, a bear’s body, and Chewbacca’s main. Pille decided to give us all the George Michael treatment and went pantless for the last Cup, but as you can see our friend is a eunick so it doesn’t really matter. The best part of the the tandem is that stupid talking soccer ball, Goleo VI. Apparently it is a Johnny Five rip-off that contains an encyclopedia of the game inside of itself. It kind of reminds me of Scooter the talking baseball Fox used for the MLB playoffs a few years back. I remember Scooter once taught kids how to throw a brush back pitch. Very classy Fox.
But as stupid as mascots are (especially ones that are freak cross-breeds) I must admit that Zakumi, Goleo VI, and Pille are not the worst ones in all of competitive sports. Last Monday night I watched the Saints-Patriots game and discovered my new favorite terrible mascot Sir Saint. As one person pointed out on the bottom of the page, the character looks like a scrotum wearing a Saints helmet. Now that’s fun for the whole family if you ask me.