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US Soccer Birthday Roast: Dolo Edition

The making of...
Creative Commons License photo credit: Lance Shields

The Host: Steve Cherundolo, congratulations. Today is your birthday, and you are having a very good year. It will be an even better one though if your bday wish for a ticket to South Africa courtesy of Bob “Skeletor” Bradley comes true. But hey, while you’re dreaming about your future, we here at KFC have been honoring your achievements over the last 32 years (both at home with the Nats & in Germany’s top league at Hanover 96) and they’re “finger lickin’ good.”

The Toast: Wow, that sounded disturbing for some reason? Anyways, you deserve a spot on the 2010 World Cup roster as you have been a very strong option the last few years (when healthy). You were on the rosters of the 2002 and 2006 squads, but injuries were plentiful and playing time was sparse. You have a chance to contribute to the 2010 team, and it will likely be your last such chance. You deserve a great Cup as you have served Sam’s Army well. 

The Roast: Stevie, I am a big fan, but I must roast you for a some of your “flaws”. Yes, that’s right, you do have one or two. Like, for instance, the fact that your name appears difficult to pronounce for some unknown reason. That computer voice is creepier to me than my “finger lickin’ good” fiasco above. The only thing creepier than both is that I – a leprechaun of small height (almost miniature) – am now going to make fun of your height (5’6″). Wow, that’s small.

You’ve been roasted. Stand tall in 2010 Dolo. Have a great year and a great birthday!