The Hosts: Ladies and Gentlemen, please take your seats. Tonight, we will honor two of the biggest selling artists of the last decade DMB and Chingy! Haha, nope, just kidding, we don’t have Dave Matthews or the blingy Chingy here. But we do have the birthday boys, DaMarcus Beasley (28) and Brian Ching (32). You two guys are another year older and wiser and you’re hoping your careers aren’t cracking up.
But that’s why we’re here @ the Comedy Dome for your party!
The Toasts: So we can all crack up! Ah, not funny? Yeah, I gauged that from the lack of rimshot, but thanks for spelling it out for me in your Hawaiian jibber-jabber Ching. Appreciate it. Anyways, since there are two of you this time, I guess we are all going to have to do two shots as we toast to your birthdays! You’ve both had solid pro careers and done some excellent things for the Nats, so we are all in your debt. Who will cover our debt. Oh, how ’bout Obama!
The Roasts: Hmm, too “political” for the Comedy Dome? Sorry about that. Now to the roast, eh? But, you know what, I am doing so poorly with the jokes tonight, I am just going to skip the roast and say thank you to you guys for your hard work and dedication to the National Team over the last several years. You’ve gone from newbies to regulars to the vets, and now you are ready to finish your terrific careers while also helping the next generation succeed.
In short, you are both guys I would want on my National Team.
Happy birthday guys. Comedy Dome patrons, I have just one question for you:
Anyone not use their second drink ticket?
Ah, I kid. I’ll be here all week.
Don’t forget to tip your waitresses!