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US Soccer Birthday Roast: MC Deuce Edition

The making of...
Creative Commons License photo credit: Lance Shields

The Host: Clint Dempsey, let me be the first to wish you a very happy birthday! We are here at Steak N’ Shake because it is “famous for steakburgers” but we are here celebrating your birthday (with delicious malty shakes and sloppy frisco melts) because you are “famous for your feet”, and you have been now for exactly 28 years. Yes, that’s right, even as a baby (“Lil’ Deuce”) you could dribble like a mofo. Sorry you are injured now bud, get well soon.

The Toast: Ah, Clint, you are a skilled player both in the Prem for Fulham and for the Nats. In fact, before your injury this year you were having a great season at Craven Cottage, and I know Bob Bradley wants – nay – needs you back in 2010 to have a shot to hoist any hardware. You aren’t unusually fast, skilled with the ball at your feet, or deadly with a cross, but I will say this for you my friend, you always are at the right place at the right time.

The Roast: And there is something to be said for such a talent. You anticipate well, even if you don’t always participate at top speed. But, most importantly, you always end up where you need to be when we need you to be there. It’s uncanny, really. You were certainly in the right place at the right time when you met your wife, whose body-painted visage in SI made several members of Sam’s Army salute inside their shorts (sorry about that). You were also in the right place at the right time when you purportedly punched Joe Franchino in the face. And, yes, you were again on time and ready to go when it came to breaking John Terry’s cheek in an aerial challenge.

Please, oh please, come back strong in 2010 and do that last one again in South Africa!

Inadvertantly… Of course…

Happy Birthday Clint. I hope you spit rhymes while scoring nine times at the World Cup.