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US Soccer Birthday Roast: Evans Edition

The making of...The Host: Today is April 20th, which has significance for different things to various people. But, for you Brad Evans, it means you are having one smoking hot birthday! Brad, we have all gathered here outside your house to (1) have Dominos pizza delivered to your front yard (you don’t have to “Get The Door”, we told the guy to just meet us here) and (2) celebrate the amazing soccer feats you have accomplished (with your feet no less) in the last 25 years.

The Toast: OK, you’re right Brad, we didn’t plan this as a birthday party. Honestly, we were just out in the woods enjoying the holiday when we decided we definitely needed some Dominos pizzas. So, we saw your mailbox from over yonder and decided to give that as our home address. Don’t be mad though. We didn’t forget. We certainly remember your stellar play for the Crew and Sounders, your score (20) of MLS scores, and your 3 appearances with the Nats.

The Roast: So, we got caught up in the holiday and forgot it was your birthday Brad, get over it. We’ll still make sure you get toasted too buddy! Then we can watch Ace Ventura, which is – according to an interview you did a few years back – your “favorite” movie of all-time. Wow, really? Your favorite? I mean, I love it too, don’t get me wrong, what with all the pet detective jokes, funny facial expressions and Dan Marino award-winning scenes, but Ace Ventura?

Not The Big Lebowski?

Shame on you Brad.

Just kidding, you’ve been roasted. Happy birthday Brad Evans! Have a good year!

Creative Commons License photo credit: Lance Shields