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The Laws of Soccer 101: Scoring

We all spend most of our lives trying to “score” in one way or another. Whether it is in the obvious ways – like in sports or with the ladies – or in the most personal ways that maybe we only understand. Some folks will even exclaim “Score!” when something good happens to them, like when they receive a promotion, scratch off a winning lotto ticket, or…

Ah, nevermind. You know what “scoring” is synonymous with, so I will spare you my childish jokes for one day (I can literally sense your disbelief). The 10th Law of Soccer is “The Method of Scoring”, and it is not very complicated. If the ball crosses the goal line into the net, you have scored. Well, so long as you didn’t cheat previously to put it there.

This Law of the Game also includes “Competition Rules” for major knockout tournaments like the World Cup. So, here is your pop quiz question: When one team must win by scoring more goals than the other, which of the following procedures are permitted to be used to determine the winning team according to FIFA’s International Board?

A. Away Goals.

B. Extra Time.

C. Penalty Kicks.

D. All of the Above.

Of course, it’s (D). I am so miserably lazy. To make a long story short, Law #10 deals with the most exciting part of the game (GOOOOOOOOOOALS!), but it is pretty much a snoozer. It also includes the statement that wins the “Mr. Obvious Award” for incredulous retardedness: “The team scoring the greater number of goals during a match is the winner.”

Stupid? Yes. But, why do I suddenly feel like having a chicken dinner? See you again soon, when we will learn about the offsides rules. I can sense your excitement already.