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The La Liga Clone Wars

With all the money being thrown around this year The Yank has come up with the perfect solution to any debt-plagued squad.  Quit spending money on a bunch of different players that only specialize in one position and instead focus on one really good player and then once he is under contract clone him several times.

I know that this game plan is likely illegal and definitely immoral as well, but imagine how much better say Tenerife would be if they had ten Messi’s on the pitch passing back and forth to one another.  Of course such an idea brings to mind classic cloning movies (yes it is a genre) such as Multiplicity or the Sixth Day.  In these movies cloning is like a trip to the doctor.  You go in and sit on a hospital slab and the next thing you know you have an identical twin.  Imagine how much easier the chores just got around the house.  That is unless you make a copy out of a copy in Michael Keaton’s case. 

But I know that realistically we are years away from simply cloning people into their adult self, so how about if Tenerife went the Fifth Element route and instead created the perfect specimen.  What La Liga players would be a part of the superfreak DNA ?  Lets take a look…

The Leg:  I will have to go with Cristiano Ronaldo for this one.  The guy not only is one of the best penalty takers in the world, but he has proven time and time again to be just as valuable up top shooting the ball as he is crossing the ball into the box.

The Body-frame: Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the perfect combination of speed, size, and strength.  He is quick enough to beat defenders down the pitch on a breakaway and strong enough and tall enough to make huge players in the middle of the box.  Plus the guy knows how the finish the play with his feet or with his dome.

The Brain: Raul seems to be a fair pick due to his vast experience in the league and consistency as a goal scorer.  But Kaka is world renowned for his ball management skills and ability to adapt to a situation as it occurs.  We will have to go with Kaka despite the fact that his name suggests that he is poop.

The Intangibles: Lionel Messi is truly the ideal candidate for a cloned footballer.  He can play any position on the pitch and his game has no weaknesses.   Plus he is a proven winner. 

But unfortunately, our creation (with all the contrasting styles) would likely look like some type of mangled monster out of a Frankenstein movie.

But what can you say?  The Twelth Element would never look as good as the Fifth.