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The Blame Game

Bob BarkerLadies and gentleman!

Welcome to your new favorite sports game show it’s time to play the Blame Game! 

The Game where Footballers Blame What’s Lame!!!

And here are the rules footballers and football fans:

Rule #1:  You can never blame yourself.  That’s the most important rule to remember and if you break this rule and take full responsibility for your team’s poor results then you automatically lose.  Don’t worry though this rule is rarely broken.

Rule #2:  You can blame anyone, but yourself.  But if you blame yourself while also blaming someone else then you only get half credit because after all that isn’t a full blame anyway.

Rule #3: If you make the perfect blame (in other words blame everyone in the world but your own actions) then you automatically win the grand prize!  A free head butt from Mr. Zinedine Zidane himself.

You know the rules, so let’s begin with our first contestant.  He’s the Italian defensive midfielder who strangely goes by the nickname the Little Prince.  Please welcome Claudio Marchisio to our studio!

Claudio your remark please:

At the World Cup many of our players are not in their usual positions because the coach is performing many experiments.

Ahhh yes, a tactical complaint.  Well great start, sir.  It is a valid point that you would want to remain in a comfortable lineup and formation going into the event, but keep in mind you are talking about a coach that has won the World Cup and you are a guy with only 6 caps heading in and the fact that you are on the pitch in the first place is the only thing I’m really wondering.  One man hoisted the Cup in 2006 and the other scored his first international goal in 2008.  By the way didn’t you play for Juventus this year Claudio, so shouldn’t you be used to losing and being confused with what’s going on? 

Please sir your final rebuttal.

Changing so much has also prompted us to make mistakes and is creating confusion among us, but the coach has the right experience to take us forward in this situation.

A nice save, sir (you needed it).  Well done.  You made your point and you were critical of your coach, but you at least explained the reasons why you were upset and also gave Lippi some props at the end just to save your own hide.  Good for you.  Of course you and your team was bounced from the tournament in the first round, so maybe you had reason for concern, but then again the team lacked talent this year and that certainly includes you too, Claudio.   Only ½ of a point in the first round because you did shift the blame, but only so far.

Our second contestant is considered by many the best footballer in the world, but he has completely disappeared from the offensive score sheet lately.  Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the future Sir (if he ever scores an international goal) Wayne Rooney.  Mr. Rooney your words, please.

Nice to see your own fans booing you.  That’s loyalty for ****’s sake.

Mr. Rooney perhaps if you didn’t impersonate Ghost Dad then your fans wouldn’t boo you, but considering they spent their own hard earned money on a trip to South Africa and a ticket to see you play then they can do and say whatever they want to especially considering your recent performance or lack there of.  After all booing means that at least they weren’t asleep.  And what?  Do you expect a supportive round of applause after you got shut down and embarrassed by Algeria?  Congrats Mr. Rooney, your blame of the fans displeasure has instantly advanced you to round two and a great shot of taking home the free Zidane headbutt.  But don’t invite Mr. Terry good sir.  That would be too overwhelming for the Blame Game. 

Our third and final contestant is the Indomitable Lion and two time treble winner himself Mr. Samuel Eto’o.  Please clear your mind, sir.

Is it worth me going to the World Cup? I still have a few days left to think, but I will see if it’s important for me to participate because I don’t need this (criticism) in my career.

Ohhh Mr. Eto’o, you may be talking your way into a point and half (never been done before) and I love how you threaten to quit your nation just because your nation’s best player (ever might I add) called you out for not doing much for your country.  Nice.  Anything else you want to say about your childhood idol? 

It’s always just before the (major) tournaments that the old geezers wake up. What’s Milla done? He hasn’t won the World Cup, they played in the quarterfinals.

Yes, when Milla was 38 he scored four goals and made the quarterfinals.  We will see where Eto’o is at when he is 38, but I doubt he will be in the quarterfinals with four goals scored considering his performance this summer.  But good for him.  He really proved to Milla that his remarks were exactly right.  After all losing to Japan and Denmark speaks for itself.

So after the first round Eto’o is in first, Rooney trails, and Marchisio is in a distant third. 

What’s that you say? 

The entire French national team has arrived.  Well, well, well.  Sorry Sammy boy, it appears we have an instant winner!  And who is more fitting to win a free head butt from their former legend then the entire French side?  Please lineup boys.

Well that’s all folks!  Until next time it’s been fun and remember folks….

Don’t be Lame just play the Blame Game!

Creative Commons License photo credit: fireballk2588