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The Bard's 100 Best Soccer Players: Figo (#55)

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Creative Commons License photo credit: gabyu

The Pick: When Cristiano Ronaldo was still in diapers, Luis Figo was already playing some serious soccer for Portgual. Well, I guess that is assuming Ronaldo still doesn’t wear diapers (his answer would probably be “um, it depends“). Figo’s prolific passing and scoring (127 games and 32 goals for his Nats) were matched only by his endless stamina and tenacity (+800 pro matches for European giants like Barca, and Inter). He’s a star.

The Flick: He won the 2001 Ballon D’Or, and he did it with style and grace. He would be higher up on this list for sure, but he never could lead Portugal to any serious hardware. So, who should play Figo in my fictional bio-pic? Well, if you ask me, there is really only one man who can capture the sex god that is Figo, and that’s Henry Winkler. Huh? Let me explain. I am talking about Happy Days Fonzie-era Winkler who looked almost exactly like Figo in his prime.

We’ll have to work on his accent. 

The Limerick: OK, I will admit right now, that casting was a catastrophe. Here’s a rhyme:

Figo circled the globe like a soccer Magellan

But few know of the treasure he stole like a felon

He lifted the booty

When he met a cutey

An STO WAG of the World, my goddess Helen