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STO Soccer Film Review: Soccer Dog

I have been as sick as a dog lately, so I decided to plop down and watch a few more movies so I could keep the STO Soccer Film Review series running strong. I have worked like a dog to already review several films dealing with humans playing the world’s most beautiful game, but…

I have thus far neglected movies about canines’ love of soccer, so here goes…

Believe it or not, three movies about dogs playing soccer have come out in the last decade. If that isn’t a sign of the apocalyspse (or that we’ve all gone to the dogs), I don’t know what would qualify. Anyways, today and on Monday and Tuesday, I will be reviewing each of the three films so we can determine which cinematic doggy doo-doo emerges as top dog.

I know this is a stupid three-part series, so please go ahead and call off the dogs. In fact, the only thing more ridiculous than the existence of three “dogs playing soccer” movies is the fact I am reviewing them.

But hey, it’s a dog eat dog world, and I need a few more posts for the dog days of June.

So, please read below and come back to STO on Monday and Tuesday to learn about the best (and only) three movies about dogs playing soccer ever made. Each morning, another dog will have it’s day. It’s going to be a real dog and pony show, that’s for sure. But, what can I say. My dog ate my other posts. Plus, I am now out of dog idioms, so let’s start.

Soccer Dog – The Movie (1999) was the first ever cinematic tribute to dogs playing the beautiful game that I am aware of. It stars James Marshall and Olivio d’Abo, who you likely better remember as Fred Savage’s smoking hot sister on Wonder Years. Tony Giglio directed the film and amazingly producers have allowed him to make four movies since.

The plot is pretty simple: Marshall and d’Abo take in an orphan, but the kid doesn’t dig soccer like his dad. However, another stray the family takes in, this one a real dog, turns out to be very adept at soccer and leads the orphan’s team to the title. Of course, the dog brings the family together too. The game scenes are shot poorly and hard to watch. 

This movie would be totally unwatchable if it didn’t at least take itself so lightly. After all, it is a movie about a dog playing soccer, and at least the people who made it understood how absolutely ridiculous it would be. It’s one of those subversive kids movies that has humor that is more for the parents than the kids. You know, like The Exorcist.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone, even dog lovers. In fact, the best advice I can give is just to let this sleeping dog lie. I guess I still had one canine idiom left over in my doggy bag, if you will. The movie actually gives a special thanks to Stanley Kubrick at the end, which may be the funniest joke in the whole entire movie, if you ask me.

All in all, Soccer Dog – The Movie gets two paws down from this STO reviewer. It’s definitely not one lucky dog.

Hey, at least I made it through this whole post without referencing doggy-style. Damn! If you want to see a real stylish dog, check out my beloved Anna at the top of this post. She’s one hot dog. She’s really the tail that wags the dog of our family. Geez, maybe I will never run out of these idioms. They’re sort of like the hair of the dog that bit me.

Yes, I will never stop.

When it comes to idioms @ STO, you know they will always be raining like cats and dogs. After all, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  OK, I’m spent now. I promise, no more inane dog cliches. I have no more left in me anyways. To put it another way, I guess you could say I’m officially dog-tired. Yeah, you knew I couldn’t resist, didn’t you?

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