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STO Red Cleat Diaries: 2 Girls, 1 Cup Edition

Tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams are amazing athletes who have succeeded in a sport usually reserved for the elite. They have overcome huge obstacles to establish themselves as two of the greatest women players of their generation, if not the best two. They possess remarkable agility, stamina, and power. Thus, had their father chosen to indoctrinate them with soccer instead of tennis, I think they would be two girls who could win 1 World Cup for the US.

I imagine Venus would have made a ridiculously prolific striker. After all, she has 19 Grand Slam titles (including Doubles) and in every one of those championship matches she displayed unparalleled “clutch” qualities. She would be able to step up during the biggest moments for the Lady Nats. Her height 6’1″ would also make her an excellent target for midfielders’ precision crosses. Hmm, thinking about the mid, guess where I want to stick Serena?

You have a dirty mind! I want to stick her in the midfield, specifically the defensive mid position played so well over the years by gents like Mastroeni and ladies like Foudy. She could be our shutdown defender. But, she also has ridiculous speed and power (I mean, her guns make mine look pathetic… but then again, most folks’ guns seem to do that) that would allow her to spur the counter-attack. She would be feeding Venus throughballs constantly.

How do I know? Because these two women play with more chemistry than any two players in the history of tennis (I’m looking at you, Hingis-Kournikova), so it is only natural that their ESP (and ESPN) would translate to the beautiful game of soccer. After all, Venus and Serena are the reigning doubles champs @ the Australian Open, US Open, and Wimbledon. They have won 10 Slams together, and they haven’t lost many times.

I just wish they were soccer stars.

Please come back to STO over the next couple days to learn about a couple more of my insanely bitter ramblings about how American treasures like Venus & Serena could have been soccer stars instead of being ridonculously successful in their chosen athletic adventures.

Duchovny will continue to stay with us throughout the series. So long as it involves balls, Duchovny is game. So come back as we serve up some more stories of passion on Red Cleat Diaries.