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STO Red Cleat Diaries: Baby Got Halfbacks Edition

Adrian Peterson and Chris Johnson are perhaps the two greatest RBs in the world right now. They both possess blinding speed and ridiculous physical power. Since they were small children (like 7 years old), they have played football year round. Neither has thus had any time to really experience soccer. They have been fettered to American Football. And they have been dominant at every level. But, what if they had taken up soccer instead?

Can you imagine Peterson (“AD”: All Day) and Johnson (“ECD”: Every Coach’s Dream) playing as wingers for the US Nats. Both certainly have the speed. Johnson runs a 4.24 in the 40 yard dash. Peterson looks slow by comparison since he is barely sub 4.4 (but both would leave Donovan in the dust). They are both also ridiculously strong and possess amazing vision. They are currently racking up TDs though when they could be providing hat tricks.

I would settle for just Peterson alone. After all, since he burst on the scene in 2007, he has shown a spark at his position that separates him from all of his (well… except maybe Johnson) competitors. He is not just fast, he also takes great angles. He definitely has a nose for the endzone and he is capable of scoring at any minute in the game. Thus, I must ask: “What if Adrian Peterson – Mr. All Day – was instructed only to play the most beautiful game?”

Seriously? He wouldn’t just be dominant, he would be absolutely devastating. So would ECD.

Now, I am assuming here that Johnson & Peterson, during their years of practicing futbol instead of football, would have learned to dribble through defenders with the ease that they currently slice through NFL defenses. In addition, I am assuming they would be employed as sort of Messi-esque wingers with the freedom to completely carve a backline if inclined to do so. Trust me, if AD could have just pushed away the pigskin, we could have maybe had our own Pele.

But, I guess it didn’t turn out too badly for him, did it? Or Johnson, either. What with their multi-million dollars contracts and fame and fortune. As much as these men plague my fantasy teams (I never seem to get the first picks), I can’t help but respect them. They exemplify what it means to be a complete badass. I wish they had learned to play soccer instead of America’s Game (sorry baseball). Well, I actually really just wish they were on the TB Buccaneers.

Thanks for coming along with me on my “mantasy” (sorry about that) regarding Mr. Peterson and Mr. Johnson. As Duchovny would say, “I hope you keep coming.” Back, that is, to STO to hear about more US athletes who don’t play soccer but should have. While Duchovny starred in the X-Files, these upcoming posts will be more like XXX-Files. So, I hope to see you back here again soon. So does Dave. If this series is popular, they may greenlight Evolution 2.

Well, if this series is popular and hell freezes over.