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Ramon Calderon May Be Blind

Nicolas Cage (aka Nicolas Coppola) is a recognizable man.

He won an Oscar. He married Elvis’s daughter. He partied with those crazy pom pom people from Spymonkey. He went on Oprah. Yes, he’s done them all, though not necessarily in that order.

He’s really famous. One of those celebrities everbody is aware of. A real culture permeater (which sounds really disgusting for some reason).

Yet, Ramon Calderon, president of Real Madrid, recently was “punked” by an imposter claiming to be Cage, but it wasn’t by the Kutch, it was by this guy:

Paolo Calabresi, an Italian TV host, conviced Calderon (and everyone else in Real Madrid’s PR dep’t) that he was Nic Cage.

Calabresi got to watch Wednesday’s Champion’s League match from the best seats in the house. He was wined and dined. He got to meet the team after the match. I’m betting he had a real nice day.

He was even photographed receiving a signed Real Madrid jersey from Calderon. God, please let them have published the pic before they realized they’d been had.

So the pertinent question to ask now:

is Ramon Calderon losing his vision?

How distorted does your sight need to be for that guy to look like Nicolas Cage?

Calabresi looks more like Sarah Jessica Parker circa Honeymoon In Vegas than he does Cage (I’m worried about Jimmy Caan though, I don’t think he has left Vegas since they made that movie).

Calderon’s vision problem explains alot. It explains why he would fire his club’s manager despite the fact Capello had just delivered the La Liga title. It explains why he would refuse to renew Beckham’s contract, demand that he be benched for a portion of the season, and then publicly badmouth him by calling him a “wannabe average cinema actor” (OK, he didn’t say “wannabe” but I imagine he used the Spanish equivalent).

He did these things because he can’t see. He couldn’t see Capello overcome obstacles to win La Liga, despite dealing with one of the biggest collections of egos in the world (i.e., spoiled soccer superstars that make Allen Iverson look like Rudy). He couldn’t see Beckham’s significant contributions to that title, including his playing through injury down the stretch to secure the championship.

I am heading to Santiago Bernabeu before Real’s next UEFA match. I’ve been told I bear an uncanny resemblance to the kid who plays Ron in the Harry Potter movies. Or I could say I am a young Ron Howard. Convicing these idiots I have a time machine should be no problem.

I just hope they doesn’t suffer from gingerphobia.