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STO WAGS of the World: Sarah Brandner

The Beauty: When I saw this photo of Miss Sarah Brandner, I almost dropped my own beer. Look at that image. When I saw it, I knew how James Joyce’s character felt at the end of Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I too had seen a beauty that radiates nature’s perfection. As you can see, Sarah is German and she enjoys double-fisting (no comment). She’s also a 20 year old model rising in the fashion world. But, she is on this list for snagging a star.    

The Beast: Bastian Schweinsteiger is a soccer player for and the German National Team. The midfielder has taken the pitch almost 200 times for Bayern, and he has won four Bundesliga titles. He also has nearly 75 appearances with his Nats and was the Man of the Match for the 2006 Bronze Medal Game. Though many think his best moment was getting into the net twice in the WC, I think it was getting into Sarah’s pants. 

The Bard: Sarah deserves a solid sonnet, but I am a bawdy bard and this is all I can proffer:

I’ve been all over the globe, and many beautiful sights into my brain I did sear.

But I don’t think I have ever seen anything as gorgeous as Ms. Brandner with a beer.

She’s a majestic model, who has dated heavyweight champs who know how to box.

Though they had great strength, they couldn’t capture Sarah who is as elusive as a fox.

Eventually she was captured though by Mr. Bastian, the speedy German.

Now no one will ever take her away from him, not even ESPN’s Chris Berman.