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STO WAGS of the World: Melina Pitra

The Beauty: Melina Pitra – like many of the WAGs we have profiled here @ STO – is from . While she is not actually one of the top Argentine WAGs (or even one of the hottest), she is on this list for one simple reason. The player she shagged has the most appropriate name ever – at least judging by the picture at left. I’ll get to that in a second though. First, let me tell you Melina is a model (duh), TV presenter (of course), and reality star (obviously). 

The Beast: So, who is the man with the “appropriate” name for dating Miss Pitra? His name is Assman. Fabian Assman. I’m not joking. Mr. Assman (who should have been a proctologist) plays for Independiete, but he has been linked to several high profile European clubs, including Chelski and Aston Villa. His star could be on the rise, but Melina’s ass has already been hung in the heavens. As Sir Mixalot of King Arthur’s Round Table would say, “Baby Got Back!” 

The Bard: Pitra has planetary objects for ass cheeks, so she deserves this epic poem:

When soccer superstars select their mates, they often forget to consider class.

Instead they focus on each young girl’s physique, and specifically her ass.

When Assman met Pitra, he saw a booty on which mustard and relish he could smother.

Her back was so whack he forgave her for being on Argentina’s Big Brother.

As a minder of the net, Assman knew when he had found his keeper.

But, let’s be honest here people, this “Assman” fellow sounds like a peeper.