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LLTO Wednesday WAG: Nuria Bermudez (12/16)

The Beauty: I won’t lie – I didn’t find Nuria Bermudez to be a “beauty”. At least not at first. On first glance, she actually appears quite trashy. After all, her bread and butter is appearing nude in magazines, which is not exactly the favorite hobby of the virtuous. While I don’t want to bone her, I do want to honor her. Why? Because she parlayed her WAG status into becoming one of the top female soccer agents in the world. She doesn’t just shag stars, she signs them too.

The Beast: Nuria claims she has banged the world’s best. She allegedly had an affair with David Beckham. She suposedly romped naked with Brazil’s Ronaldo. She even purportedly porked Portugese star Cristiano Ronaldo. While many people claim soccer stars can never use their hands, Nuria begs to differ (I apologize for that bit of dirtiness). She also nailed Figo and is currently dating Spanish striker Dani Guiza. I really, really hope he had her tested.

The Bard: While it’s easy to think of Nuria as a “whore”, I like to consider her just a “ho”:

Sometimes I wonder how it can be that women are so hard to please.

I’ve often heard men explain that their wife is impossible to appease.

What these men fail to realize is that women, like us, often just think about sex.

Unlike most men, when they fantasize about doing it they conjure up images of Becks.

I have heard of one hag who claims to have nailed David even though her breasts sag.

Nuria’s not the most beautiful girl, but her sexual conquests qualify her as a WAG.