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Know Your US WNT Opponent: Canada

I’m going to take a break from the Gold Cup Series to tell you about how our ladies have been spending their time. Unfortunately, they have been spending a ton of time with some folks we are all familiar with, yet really do not know all that well:

Canadians. Our friendly neighbors to the North. As you Canucks know by now, we Yanks are a rare breed. You guys are a pretty peaceful, efficient bunch. We’re no slouchers either, but we are a little more rambunctious than y’all. You’re the perfect neighbor though. You’re quiet. You’re polite. You gave us Shania Twain and probably someone else worth remembering, I’m sure.

Maybe one decent hockey player. Wayne… something or other. We’ve coexisted peacefully.

But, we don’t trust you. You’re too quiet. Too polite. You gave us Shania Twain and Pamela Anderson. You’re up to something. And whatever your evil scheme is – it certainly isn’t world soccer domination because you suck. We kill you. In fact, in women’s soccer, you are sort of our “bitch”. We have an advantage though.

Our nation isn’t perpetually covered in snow. 

You may be the Great White North, but we’re the Greatest Women’s Soccer Team in the World. We’ve not just beaten you in the past. We’ve embarassed you. We beat you 6-0 last year. We could do it again this year. I hope we do too. I don’t know what it is about you Canadians, but I just don’t trust you and therefore want to antagonize you into war.

Well, a soccer war, anyways. How could I not? Just look at the weapons I would be able to employ. Seriously, Canada, just take a glimpse at our player pool, and tell me you don’t get more than a tiny bit scared:

Name Pos. Ht. Birthdate Hometown Club / College
Barnhart, Nicole GK 5-10 10/10/81 Gilbertsville, Pa. FC Gold Pride
Boxx, Shannon M 5-8 06/29/77 Redondo Beach, Calif. Los Angeles Sol
Buehler, Rachel D 5-5 08/26/85 Del Mar, Calif. FC Gold Pride
Chalupny, Lori D 5-4 01/29/84 St. Louis, Mo. St. Louis Athletica
Cheney, Lauren F 5-8 09/30/87 Indianapolis, Ind. UCLA
Cox, Stephanie D 5-6 04/03/86 Elk Grove, Calif. Los Angeles Sol
Dalmy, Marian D 5-10 11/25/84 Lakewood, Colo. Chicago Red Stars
DiMartino, Tina M 5-2 11/06/86 Massapequa Park, N.Y. UCLA
Ellertson, Tina F 5-9 05/20/82 Vancouver, Wash. St. Louis Athletica
Fletcher, Kendall D 5-6 11/11/84 Cary, N.C. Los Angeles Sol
Heath, Tobin M 5-6 05/29/88 Basking Ridge, N.J. North Carolina
Hucles, Angela F 5-7 07/05/78 Virginia Beach, Va. Boston Breakers
Kai, Natasha F 5-8 05/22/83 Kahuku, Hawaii Sky Blue FC
Krieger, Ali D 5-6 07/28/84 Dumfries, Va. Washington Freedom
LePelbet, Amy D 5-6 03/12/82 Crystal Lake, Ill. Boston Breakers
Lilly, Kristine M 5-4 07/22/71 Wilton, Conn. Boston Breakers
Lloyd, Carli M 5-8 07/16/82 Delran, N.J. Chicago Red Stars
Luckenbill, Kristin GK 5-9 05/28/79 Paoli, Pa. Boston Breakers
Markgraf, Kate D 5-9 08/23/76 Bloomfield Hills, Mich. Chicago Red Stars
Masar, Ella F 5-7 04/03/86 Urbana, Ill. Chicago Red Stars
Mitts, Heather D 5-5 06/09/78 Cincinnati, Ohio Boston Breakers
Oakes, Jill D 5-7 07/18/84 West Hills, Calif. FC Gold Pride
O’Reilly, Heather M 5-5 01/02/85 East Brunswick, N.J. Sky Blue FC
Osborne, Leslie M 5-8 05/27/83 Brookfield, Wis. FC Gold Pride
Rampone, Christie D 5-6 06/24/75 Point Pleasant, N.J. Sky Blue FC
Rapinoe, Megan F 5-7 07/05/85 Redding, Calif. Portland
Rodriguez, Amy F 5-4 02/17/87 Lake Forest, Calif. USC
Sauerbrunn, Becky D 5-7 06/06/85 St. Louis, Mo. Washington Freedom
Scurry, Briana GK 5-8 09/07/71 Dayton, Minn. Washington Freedom
Solo, Hope GK 5-9 07/30/81 Richland, Wash. St. Louis Athletica
Tarpley, Lindsay M 5-6 09/22/83 Kalamazoo, Mich. Chicago Red Stars
Wagner, Aly M 5-5 08/10/80 San Jose, Calif. Los Angeles Sol
Wambach, Abby F 5-11 06/02/80 Rochester, N.Y. Washington Freedom
White, Kacey M 5-4 04/27/84 Arlington, Texas Sky Blue FC
Whitehill, Cat D 5-7 02/10/82 Birmingham, Ala. Washington Freedom
Woznuk, Angie M 5-5 03/29/85 El Cajon, Calif. St. Louis Athletica
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