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Is Messi Human?

50s Movie poster mad scientist styleOver the last four years I have tried to figure out one of the world’s toughest mysteries.

How is Lionel Messi this good?

I have researched this subject immensely and after witnessing his recent form I am 100% positive that something strange is going on here.  Seriously people.  The guy has 10 goals in his last 4 games.  So here are the theories I have come up with so far:


You might not know, but when Lionel Messi was a child he was diagnosed with hormone defiency syndrome.  His family didn’t have the money to pay for his monthly treatment and at the time their was interest in the young sixteen year old by a few Primera Division squads.  Barcelona landed Messi to a contract due to their ability to pay for his treatment.  What if Barcelona hired some mad scientist that gave Lionel Messi some supernatural hormones and made him (through the modern wonders of science) the greatest living player?  What if Lionel Messi is some type of Island of Dr.Moreau creation or even the Fifth Element or something?  Think I’m crazy.  Remember 10 goals in 4 games.


What if Lionel Messi discovered a pair of Magic Boots in Diego Maradona’s backyard in Argentina when he was a boy?  Of course Messi wears these boots whenever he plays and that would explain why he is so good.  I must admit this theory still needs a little bit more work, but it did wonders for Lil’ Bow Wow’s game.  And the two of them are about the same size.


What if Lionel Messi is simply not from this planet and his alien people placed him hear thousands of years ago and he has simply been training in seclusion all of these years.  Perhaps he lived in a volcano for some of those centuries too?  Or maybe we can go with the Cocoon theory that Messi has been sleeping in a cocoon in the ocean waiting for his people to come and take it home.   And finally he decided to just stick around and play some football.  You know all that Area 51 stuff is within a decade of the guy’s birth.

We may never solve this mystery folks.

It could join many of the greatest mysteries ever kept from man.  Like who killed JFK?  Or where is Jimmy Hoffa’s body?  Or even is Jamie Lee Curtis really both a man and a woman?

But all I know for sure is that Lionel Messi is THE MAN.

And that is the only real truth that is out there.

Creative Commons License photo credit: glen edelson