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DCU Advances to CONCACAF Semifinal

In yesterday’s CONCACAF Champions Cup tournament game between DC United and Jamaica’s Harbour View, the MLS Supporters’ Shield winners pulled off the rare feat of scoring three goals in approximately 300 seconds. And Americans say soccer doesn’t have enough scoring…

After a disappointing draw in the opening round, United looked to be in trouble when it failed to score in the first twenty minutes of the second leg. However, in the 26th minute, a Devon McTavish goal off a Marcelo Gallardo free kick put DCU ahead for the duration.

But the fireworks really didn’t start popping for DC until the second half.

After the break, DCU came out with a flurry of offensive aggression. In the span of 180 seconds, MLS reigning MVP Luciano Emilio scored two goals. Then a mere two minutes later, McTavish scored his second goal to put United up 4-0.

Finally, Fred added insult to injury with a goal in the closing minutes.

The second half was reminiscent of Gamba Osaka’s beat down of Houston in the recent Pan-Pacific Championship, only this time the MLS side did not get embarassed.

United now advances to play in the semifinal against the winner of today’s Pachuca CF-CD Motagua game.

The win does not come without some controversy though. Jamaican media reports opined that two of the Jamaican side’s better players were intentionally denied visas in order to strengthen DCU’s chances of advancing in the tournament.

In response to the Jamaican media, I have to point out: (1) two players are probably not going to make a five goal difference, (2) the U.S. customs official who denied the visas probably wouldn’t risk his job to help an MLS team win an international match, and (3) the Jamaican media needs to stop smoking hashish. Whatever their smoking, it must be some damn good stuff if they think a member of the American government would go out of their way to support soccer in this country.

When the Dynamo were utterly destroyed by Gamba Osaka, Kinnear didn’t fault injuries or other extrinsic excuses for the team’s loss, he “manned-up” and took responsibility for his squad’s loss. The American media mocked the Dynamo a little (or the only three members of the American soccer media did anyway), but they credited Gamba for its play, especially that of Bare who was the tournament’s most valuable player.

But the Jamaicans, unfortunately, appear unable to cope with the loss and have sought to blame some poor customs official for their poor showing. Shame on them.

UPDATE: The customs official was just revealed to be none other than Emmitt “Doc” Brown of the Back to the Future movies. Having gone into the future, Doc Brown saw that Kemeel Wolfe and Rafiek Thomas would each score three goals to thrillingly defeat DCU 6-5 and make MLS the laughing stock of international football. He, along with his trusty sidekick Marty McFly, decided to do something about it. Thank you Doc Brown and guy from Family Ties. If not for you and your DeLorean, the pesky Jamaican media would not have to make excuses for their best team being blown out by (gasp) Americans*.

* In all fairness, seeing as how Emilio and Fred are not Americans, the final score was actually Devon McTavish (2) – Harbour View (0). Feel better now Jamaicans?