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The STO Commissioner Critiques: Overtime

Legendary Alabama football coach Paul “Bear” Bryant once remarked “a tie is like kissing your sister.” Still to this day – because the coach was from Alabama – no one knows whether he was implying that ties were good or bad things. But, to this Commish, kissing your sister is always frowned upon.

Well, unless your sister is waaaaaay out of your league.

No, on second thought, even then it is not only wrong, but also exceptionally weird. The huge amount of draws in soccer make me think of Bear’s quote because to myself and many Americans, it is not only wrong to tie, but exceptionally weird. No fierce competition between athletes should be cut short and called a tie. It’s un-American.

Now, I must admit I am a fan of the “hard-fought tie” though. What’s the difference between a normal tie and a “hard-fought” one? Well, a “hard-fought” tie is a match that is so intense and features teams that are so even that neither team can seem to emerge with the win. It is not a tie like the multitude of draws the Gals have escaped with this year.

You can tell ties are excessive just by looking at league tables around the world. For instance, Lecce of Serie A tied 15 times this year and Newcastle led the Prem with 13 ties. Boooooooring. Ties suck because teams that tie a ton usually suck and just try to draw with their opponent instead of having a “sense of the jugular”, or “juggler” for that matter.

As I mentioned, tying is un-American (see the 2000 Presidential Election for proof). Ties get in the way of honoring winners and humiliating losers, so we capitalists in the US hate them. But, I am not a fan of the “shootout”. In fact, employing that method would be worse than allowing Bruce Arena and the Gals to keep tying all season.

So, my solution is two simple letters MLS fans: O.T. No, not “occupational therapy”, overtime. Overtime adds excitement to any game. It takes players at the highest level and forces them to put it all on the line when they have nothing left in the tank but pure desire. If games had just 30 minutes of OT, I bet many games wouldn’t end in ties…

They would end in fantastic, thrilling wins for one team, and soul crushing defeats for others. We Yanks like more “bang for our buck” too, so OT would also make MLS a better value. If no one scores in OT, we could still put the draw on the board, but I bet many games would be settled in OT. One thing I definitely don’t want is shootouts.

Shootouts, like overtime, are represented by a two letter abbreviation, but it’s not OT.

It’s BS.

MLS tried shootouts, and they don’t work.

In fact, maybe the only thing worse than losing in a shootout is kissing your sister?

You be the judge.

I’ll just be the Commish…

But I won’t ever look as sweet as Mr. Chiklis (or your sister) did…

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