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STO’s Soccer The Movie: The Villainous Opposing Player

Why is Chigurh so happy?Well most of the good guys are in place and most of the bad as well.  We have the villainous coach of the opposing club cast (Daniel Day Lewis) now we need to add his best player to the mix.  The star villain of the opposing team should be somebody who looks physically threatening and also can pull off that pure evil look.  Some of the greatest villainous meat heads of all time include Ivan Drago from Rocky 4 , Max Baer from Cinderella Man, Johnny from The Karate Kid, and Michael Caine as Capt. John Colby from the film Victory. Usually the opposing team’s villain succeeds early in the movie against the good guys, but loses at the end of the movie.  Also he usually throws in a dirty move on one of the star’s teammates just so you know that he is a terrible person.

But lets take a look at the potential candidates for the best villain:

1) Javier Bardem

Bardem has surpassed the age of 40, but I think he would make a great keeper of the opposing side from Spain.  If you have seen No Country then you know that the guy can do the evil, creepy staring thing and maybe early on in the film he could best our star in a penalty shootout.  Also another plus is that the guy is dating Penelope Cruz, so once again that wouldn’t be a bad hubby to have around set.  Bardem creeped me out in No Country and I know I wouldn’t want to stare him down in a penalty situation.

2) Jason Statham

Most of the movies he chooses to be in are high adrenaline non-stop action blockbusters, so the transformation into an evil footballer should be seamless for the man that does many of his own stunts.  And just to make it that much more of a lock, Statham is from London, England and likely knows many of the stars of the Premier League.  And with many film critics slamming his recent work, the time has come for Turkish to take on the EPL.  Hopefully the shooting schedule will not conflict with Crank 8: Still Cranking the Crank.

3) Vin Diesel

Speaking of guy’s that only act in garbage movies these days, but I guess it is fitting considering I can’t understand a word the guy says.  Seriously did he go to the Sylvester Stallone School of Acting?  Diesel’s upcoming productions are as helpless as the crap he has been making ever since Saving Private Ryan.  The guy is going to do another XXX along with more of the Chronicles of Riddick franchise. And he also has a movie in preproduction titled Hannibal the Conqueror. Pretty soon he is going to be starring in Shaving Private Ryan II if he isn’t careful.  And yes that is a XXX movie.

4) Kevin Durand

You might not know the Canuck by name, but some of his most famous roles are as the big evil, scary henchman in blockbuster hits such as Smokin’ Aces, Wolverine: Origins, 3:10 To Yuma, and Legion. He also played the evil military mercenary hired by Charles Witmore on the hit show Lost. Durand is another one of those guys that looks like he can take your skull in his grasp and simply crush it.  Durand also looks a little bit like John Terry.  Speaking of evil antagonists.

5) Vinny Jones

Bullet Tooth Tony from Snatch is actually a former English football player although he is more well known for his dirty tactics then his great football.  Jones was once yellow carded within the first three seconds of a professional match which is still a record today.  His acting range is much like his football career: He always plays the giant angry meat head ready to bash someone in the face.  He also was in one of the X Men movies as Juggernaut and he even has tried comedy recently with his role in Year One. Some advice Vinny.  Play a role you can identify with like a mean footballer.

6) Zenidine Zidane

We haven’t seen the Frenchman too much ever since he projectiled himself into Marco Materazzi and partly was to blame for his nation’s loss in the World Cup final.  It wasn’t the most glorious way to go out, so why not convince the Frenchy to make a comeback in this movie.  Of course we won’t tell him about the part where he head butts a guy in the final match.  Oh did that page of the script not make it over to you Mr. Zindane?  Our mistake.  I see you already signed the contract though.  On second thought hit the deck!

Creative Commons License photo credit: Torley

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