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STO’s 2009 MLS Turducken Awards

Turkey Day is finally here, and with it comes STO’s (First) Annual Turducken Awards. What is a Turducken, you ask? Well, it is a turkey that is stuffed with a duck, which is stuffed with a chicken. John Madden popularized the term by constantly referring to the dish while on the air. In fact, Madden never stops talking about Turducken. It’s just like the video game where he constantly repeats himself. Anywho, the Turducken signifies something ridiculous to me.

So, I will honor the most ridiculous MLS performances of 2009 in this post – my final ode to the 2009 MLS Season (well, until each team’s annual reviews start appearing in a couple of weeks… be on the lookout). When compiling the following list, I tried to come up with the guys who experienced the year’s biggest disappointments. I didn’t just want to come up with a list of losers, I wanted to convey to you the few lads who I think wish 2009 was just a dream.

Well, someone can pinch them if they like (and they may like), but these fellows must be dishonored as the 2009 MLS Turducken Award Winners (actual Turducken not included in prize…):

Worst Coach: It must be Osorio. From the MLS Cup Finals to 2-4-16 in less than a year. Wow.

Worst GK: Poor Danny Cepero. Not only did his defense suck, but so did he. Zero shutouts in ’09.

Dirtiest Player: Rodney Wallace is a bad man. A good player, but a very, very bad man.

Biggest Bust: So many to choose from, but I will go with Hucks in SJ. Huge disappointment.

Least Valuable Player: This may surprise many of you, but I am going to select DDR, Mr. De Rosario. He didn’t play like a leader, he played like a guy who wanted to get his stats and go home. He chucked up shots from all over the field. He spent almost entire games trying to cherry pick goals instead of contributing on defense. All in all, his move to TFC proved to be quite disastrous. Disagree with me? Well, let me hear about it in the comments. Until then, have a very happy Turkey Day, and – should you encounter a Turducken – remember…

Stop, drop, and roll into that delicious menage a trois of meats…

You know Madden would…