Halloween is a spooky holiday. Born out of Celtic pagan traditions and All Saints Day, Halloween has become perhaps the most secular holiday in the US (even more so than two of my favorite “Saints” holidays, Valentine’s and Patrick’s). Thus, as the picture to the left displays, it has become yet another excuse for the young women of the US to dress like whores. This fact leads me to say, “God Bless Halloween”. We need more holidays that encourage skankiness.
Girls never spend Halloween as a “cat”, “nurse”, or even “soccer ref” anymore. Now, it’s “sex kitten”, “naughty nurse”, or “soccer ref who blows more than whistles”. For guys, it’s definitely more treat than trick. But, what costume should the male who loves soccer select? Well, that is the purpose of this post.
Sure these suggestions are in jest, but if you could pull one of them off, you could nail the girl at the party dressed (or shall we say undressed) as Erin Andrews. Here are my 7 costume ideas for US & MLS soccer fans and the items you will need:
- The “Beckerman”: RSL jersey, dreadlocks wig, leg-crushing tackle, and a big ganja spliff.
- The “Drew Carey”: Sounders jersey, spectacles with black rims, and a bigger ganja spliff.
- The “Dempsey”: Fulham jersey, gold medallion, walleye, and a totally badass attitude.
- The “Younger Bradley”: US Nats jersey, chilling glare, and 1 lb. of coke (for energy).
- The “Elder Bradley”: Skeletor costume.
- The “Becks”: Gals jersey, temporary tattoos, a blow up doll (Posh), and a “Blue Steel” stare.
- The “LD”: Gals jersey, chip on your shoulder, valid passport, and an impish smile.
I hope you enjoyed my costume suggestions, though I know you probably prefer costumes like the one in the pic above even more. Here’s a deep thought for you:
Isn’t it ironic that Halloween for many years was associated with horrors, and now it is just associated with whores?