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2009 MLS Season Preview: L.A. Galaxy

The Recent Results: The Galaxy have fallen, and they can’t get (it) up. Though they tied with SJE for last in the entire league in 2008, they also had both of MLS’s two most high profile loans this offseason. Yes, they led the league in goals. Congratulations. They also ceded waaaaay more than anyone else. Sexy soccer does not equal good soccer.

The Man in Charge: Bruce Arena, how do I not envy thee? Let me count the ways. I don’t envy the fact you have to deal with selfish superstars like Beckham, and to a lesser degree Landycakes. I don’t envy the fact you still have absolutely no defense. I definitely don’t envy the fact your schedule is going to be arduous again. I envy Cobi Jones.

On the Offensive: Well, this may be the one part of the preview I can’t talk a bunch of crap. Donovan is the most electric player in the league (assuming he is in the league). It’s true, deal with it. Beckham (assuming he is around) is still one of the best set piece men in the game (assuming he wants to be in the game). Buddle is a rising star. The Gals can definitely score.

For the Defense: Ah, but here’s the rub (and not the kind Posh gives DB), the Galaxy still have no defense. Eddie Lewis, Buddle, LD and Becks like to play the O, but not the D. Who will they have back there next year? Franklin (injured)? Klein? All of their defenders are either inexperienced or over the hill. And who will be in goal? Ricketts? Seriously?  

Movie They Resemble: It wasn’t hard to come up with a movie title to symbolize the Gals, but it was hard to narrow it down to only one. I almost went with Dumb and Dumber. Then, I switched it to The Stupids. I finally decided on Battlefield Earth, because both the film and the team are massive bombs, but then I had an epiphany. It’s got to be Adventures in Babysitting. I am sorry for what you have to deal with, Bruce, I really am. I would rather spend my time knitting than spend it trying to fix the debacle that is the L.A. Galaxy. Well, I would rather spend it with Ms. Elizabeth Shue, the star of that film, come to think about it.

Hey Bruce, is her brother still available? Why not give him a tryout. Lord knows Lalas already signed every other player past his prime for the Gals…

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